She wanted you to be your best self. She wanted you to get moving, get off the couch, get outside and make something happen. Read a book, take a class, be in a play, volunteer, call your sisters. Just do something! Take the credit card and buy yourself a nice suit. And please stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have it pretty good you know.
Mom had impact. She loved to laugh and kibbitz, but not for too long because there was stuff to do. She was chatty and interested in you. Sarcastic when it was called for. She oozed warmth. Everyone wanted to be around her.
Mom was sparkly. She shone. She was present. Her love was steadfast and strong. She listened and talked in just the right combination. She had opinions but let you make your own mistakes. She was tenacious and fiercely loyal.
Mom tried to teach me to be confident in my decisions, not to over-analyze or let my emotions guide me … still working on that. She unconditionally supported my path as she pretended to understand my unusual career, and I know she was proud of me for cultivating a life in a place so different than where she and I grew up.
Growing up she was constantly reading. She took us to the ballet and signed us up for classes and took us on trips and to camps and nurtured all of our talents. I credit her with giving me the confidence and the curiosity to live a creative life.
I always knew she was an exceptional mother, but only now that I have my own kids do I realize just how confident and instinctual she was as a parent. When I have successes now with my kids – when I think of a good craft project, when I effectively follow through and discipline one of them, or when I see humor, creativity or empathy in them, my mom is pulsing through me in those moments. And in my failures and my frustrations with my children or with myself, I always hear her practical voice telling me not to be so hard on myself.
Mom loved her grandkids fervently and had a beautiful relationship with my daughter Zoe, who worshipped her and reminds me of her. She loved my husband Evan, which I know for sure because she would argue constantly with him about politics even when I knew she agreed with him completely.
Moving forward towards a life without my mom is deeply daunting. She inspired me, she loved me and she was everything to me. I can only hope to channel a fraction of the grace and strength in my own life that she showed all the way up to the end of hers.
