By Sheer Elegance, GTOG Special Guest Blogger*

According the Bravo website, Cindy Barshop has “revolutionized hair removal with nationwide cult favorite Completely Bare spas and beauty products.” This must be that revolution everyone keeps talking about in the Middle East!

Besides the fact that Cindy is a single (divorced?) mom with twin girls, and at some point decided hair and its unsightliness on the body was her ticket to the big time, little is known about the freshest housewife. She looks ready to rock, with her Chrissie Hynde bangs and her downtown apartment. Her smile is mischievous: is she in on this joke? Did she go to camp with Jill Zarin? And is she friends with that lady from the Matchmaker show?

So what can we expect, besides bad puns from the New York Post, about this lady the bar shopper? Since she’s single and in the um, intimate areas grooming industry, I predict many dates with bachelor type men and lots of talk about vajeweled vajayjays and other things I’m not sure I want to see on screen. I can predict plenty of embarrassing scenes with her and her babies — this season we’re likely to see her kids getting spa treatments, eating gluten free kale smoothies, and working out with personal baby trainers to make sure their glutes are high and tight when they crawl. I’m sure they will actively prepped on camera for their pre-school interviews, their block skills honed and their glue stick application perfected. Sheepish “baby experts” will be shown working with these little schmoopies, and the rest of the country will be correct in wondering what the hell is wrong with people who raise kids in this fakahkta city. I greatly look forward to this.

But for now my work here is done. Now that you know these housewives, you are free to converse drunkenly with them on television or in your dreams, watch Andy Cohen’s after party directly following the show, and come up with your own damn theories why this show is so addictive. I will definitely be seeing you around. As for me, I’ve got to get out of this bathrobe and curlers, make a martini, and prepare my 10 month old for his Krav Maga Israeli martial arts class. Kiss Kiss.

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